JFU

Mood: Bouncy Music: Jara Nazar Uttha Ke Dekho - Silk Route last week while sitting at my terrace, drenched in my insane thoughts about some words uttered by someone. Recieved a phonecall.... "Hiiiieeee Ankur.. its me Mamta, sun whatever you'r doing on next weekend, cancel it cauz I am goin to come to Pune to meet you." chatted for another 5 mins and then went back to sleep with a smile... One of my best pals would be here.... Finally had a blast after a long time......though a small trip to Lonavala and Khandala but would surely go into memories. The best thing was we got our caricatures made by a local artist sitting at one of the points in Khandala. Yes we did manage to attract some crowd while the sketch was in making. Walt Disney...here we come ! Damm!!! busy day and work is forcing me to get back to my code......... Gosh had so much to write!

Mood: Bouncy Music: Alive-Pearl Jam There was a time when I thought people were rational. I'd analyse their actions and figure out why they said the words they said and did the deeds they did and thought the thoughts that they thought. And life was confusing. Then I realised that everyone else is a little nuts. And I forgave them. And life became a little easier. But I then wondered why I said the words I said and did the deeds I did and thought the thoughts I thought. And I struggled to live up to my own standards. I berated myself for my mistakes and weaknesses. Then I realised that I'm a little nuts too. And I forgave myself. And now life's a piece of cake.

Mood : Anxious Music: Clatter of the keyboard Maintaining a journal is quite a new experience for me. It's been good so far -- I enjoy writing and this gives me an excuse. But it does make the reader somewhat faceless. So, if you read this journal, I'd appreciate it if you commented occassionally, if only to say 'hello'.

It took me quite a bit of time to figure this out but eventually I did - it’s impossible to know the answer to everything. I felt that at some level we choose what we want to believe. We can adopt an existing ideology (our parent’s religion perhaps), in fact most of us do and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if we come across a blatant contradiction between what the ideology says and what we can infer from our observations, experiences and reflections then we should be prepared to discard or modify what we believe. Over time we should be able to fine tune our maps till there comes a point when we stop getting lost. I wanted to arrive at a set of axiomatic beliefs within which I could see no inconsistencies. A framework within which I could find a purpose for my life. This Pearl is about the framework that I choose to believe in. Belief 1 - Life is a game and the end goal is to be happy All the religions that I looked at seemed to have one unifying goal – to increase hap...

Mood: Tired Music: Rolling Stones - Angie We all have dreams of happiness. That some day we will be happy. That some day will be different. That some day we will find what we want. In the material, there is no perfect attainment. If the now is not happy, there is no guarenteed happiness in the future....whatever attempts, changes we make to find that happiness. Happpiness is the phenomenal world, Bliss the internal. When the Self resides in the Self, happiness and suffering are both scorched in that perfect knowledge in which we abide. Our every attempt, every action in this world right now is an attempt to find happiness. Without exhibition. In some cases, the connection is more subtle, you might choose to give up everything and put yourself in a position of extreme difficulty to help someone you care for. In this case too, we are seeking happiness in helping someone, otherwise we wouldn't do it. In adopting a life like that of Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi, you still seek that ...

Mood: Sad Music: clatter of the keyboard It’s a period of change and turmoil, and am just trying to sit back and let the dust settle and the same question keeps coming back am I becoming a bad person? Or am I actually one. People I trusted have lied to me, cheated me and told me that I've made them do wrong things, which I would never expect them to do. These were the people I trusted the most in my life and now all this. They know about my trust in them, my respect for them and then also I was told that I made them do something bad…… I hope I never do these things to anyone, friend or stranger. The fact that these things happen leave me wondering, how did I invite these experiences into my life? Just being good is not good enough? And am doing a very bad job of being good? This is a person I had much respect for. I spent all my time learning from him/her. Introduced me to new worlds, showed me the possibilities, set a course for my life. My respect only multiplied. I was told th...