Changes

Music: Crave - Nuno Bettencourt

Most of you, some even more than others, will find a kinship with these thoughts, you don't have to read them if you're weak of heart. :)

There are some nasty edges about life that I've never been able to work my way around. At times, just living on the edge tends to soften the aches. It's avoidance really, but sometimes, when you least expect it, it all piles down on you and you shudder under its weight.

I've spent a lifetime regretting my decisions, decisions I thought were incredibly intelligent at the time. I look back at my life now, What do I see? It's a mess, a shambles, but I love it. Without it, I would'nt be who I am today. I'm a quarter of a century + 1 old now, and at best, that's perhaps a third of my operating lifespan.

I've seen things, I've learnt things, I've regretted some of it.... But I feel superior in the knowledge that I know I messed up somewhere.... :o) My life's given me an edge over others in some ways, while it's pushed me under the water-table in other ways.... Yet, when I look back, I feel a strange sense of happiness that draws itself over my chin....

I think I'm not as much of an asshole as I thought I was.... I'm alive, and I'm moving in some direction.... Whatever it may be, I'm sure of one thing, I'm strange, I'm different, I hope to make a difference.... If I could go back in time and change something about my life, I would'nt be able to bring myself to change anything. I know it might do me good later, I know it would help if I could, but my life is riveted the way it is, I'm a sucker for avoiding pre-change. :o)

Comments

Joe said…
I find kinship with this post.
You are not alone Ankur.
Anonymous said…
me 2..
Ankur said…
sniff sniff...... Look who's here :)

You see things; and you say 'Why?';
But I dream things that never were;
and I still say 'Why not?'

Nice to see you K :) How are you doing?
Anonymous said…
Thats what life is all about...Constant learning..The day u stop to learn life wont be worth living...Thats the phases which make you grow...Today the things u repent on, maybe u will laugh on in few years...But there will still be few which will always leave cuts in ur heart but they make you stronger...They evolve you..they teach you the hardships which you couldnt have learnt otherwise. The teach you the value of life. Sometimes we often think life would have been so much easier and happier to look back had i not done some things but they had to happen...thats destiny and wen u learn from it and move on thats what makes u a better person...
Ankur said…
@annon
Your comment is to the point :)

How about leaving a name behind..!
Nipun said…
I definitely relate to these thoughts!
Life, they say is a constant learning curve. We will always do things that we regret, but in the end, I think we regret the things that we didnt do more than the things that we did, but failed at.
A few things will leave a cut, a few things will make us fall hard on our knees, but then only when we fall do we learn to pick ourselves up.
We can always look back on life, and change a few things, so that maybe life would have been easier on us, but hindsight is a perfect science, life is not.
Joe said…
Anonymous you are good, thanks for the well said & to the point comments.
Priya_Satarkar said…
Hmm, Great one. I believe whatever happens happens for the best... Nothing is bad or good in this world, its jst the way you see things.. So we must take every moment as a learning experience and not to get affected by joy or sorrow.
Ankur said…
meeees doing fine :)
berry berry nice to see you around
Ankur said…
@priya
Thankooooooo

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